Short Sharp Scratch: An Analysis of Andie Dominick's 'Needles'

Andie Dominick's Needles was first published in 1998 and is an emotive, profound and brutally honest portrayal of a young life irrevocably altered by Type 1 Diabetes. Dominick describes life before Type 1 Diabetes and her fascination with her Diabetic sister's syringes: "I know about needles. My sister leaves them everywhere. I fill her syringes with water, transforming them into mini-water guns."(3). Andie soon learns that Type 1 Diabetes isn't all fun and games, when she develops the disease at nine in 1980. Dominick describes her sister comforting her: "She tells me I'm going to have a happy life. Even if the needles belong to me."(15).

I remember the first time I was told I was going to have to give myself multiple injections a day in order to manage my condition. My initial reaction was, 'OH, HELL NO!'

Over a year and a half on, and an estimated 2,400 short sharp scratches later, I can safely say that I'm now accustomed to the needles belonging to me, too.

Dominick's Needles is the first piece of literature I came across pertaining to Type 1 Diabetes and my expectation was to find comfort through shared experience. Whilst I did find this, I also found an unexpected brutal honesty on behalf of the author regarding the delayed consequences of poor blood sugar control, and tragic effect of drug use. Dominick's portrayal of her sister's death and her own complications at the hands of the disease made for uncomfortable reading at times, as I reflected upon my own (admittedly poor at times) blood sugar control. 

Dominick describes finding her sister's body in the home they share: "My sister is on the bed. Her eyes are open and her face is bloated. She looks plastic and inhuman."(111) Dominick's depiction of her sister's death is the part of the memoir that moved me (admittedly to tears) the most. This emotional response was entirely to do with fears of my own mortality. Dominick declares that "The cause of death had been ruled an accident. Coronary disease, a heart attack, the result of diabetes and cocaine abuse."(132) Dominick's discussion of her sister's self-destructive behaviour is markedly frank:  

She wasn't the stereotypical addict. She was just Denise. She got up for work every day and relaxed with novels at night. I told myself she had her life under control. Now I know she was self-destructive. She had a subconscious desire to take her own life before diabetes did. Smoking and drinking in excess throughout her twenties and rarely visiting the doctor, she frequently ran out of insulin and needles and never tested her blood sugars... She always thought the disease would kill her eventually. She grew up knowing what would take her life. Denise laughed and said she wished she would live long enough to die from lung cancer. She didn't.(126-127) 

Dominick's refusal to chastise or condone her sister's behaviour is what I find most remarkable about this section of her memoir. Denise's 'subconscious desire to take her own life before the diabetes did' is something I can entirely relate to. In darker moments I'll admit to wishing the disease would just hurry up and kill me, rather than the thought of another 40 years or so of waking up every day to face another relentless battle with my uncooperative blood sugar. 'Smoking and drinking in excess throughout her twenties' made for even more uncomfortable reading. As a smoker who has tried to quit on multiple occasions and a university student with a healthy social life and an unhealthy desire for a good time, Andie's discussion of her sisters actions in her youth sounded all too familiar. Temperance Vs hedonism is a philosophical debate which has always interested me, but in light of Type 1 Diabetes it is one that has taken on a much higher significance in the last two years.

The second aspect of the memoir which truly struck a chord with me, is Dominick's portrayal of her fading sight. Dominick declares "My right eye fills with bloody gel and black lines. I blink and rub my eye, but the vision won't clear. Time stops. My heart races and the muscles in my neck tense up."(144) Going blind is the biggest fear I have related to my condition. As an English Literature student who wishes to pursue an academic career, the thought of never being able to read a book utterly terrifies me. Dominick reflects "I know a little bit about diabetic retinopathy, and I know seeing blood is a symptom... Diabetes is the leading cause of adult blindness. My sister always said she'd kill herself if she went blind. She didn't want to live if she couldn't experience the world through her eyes."(147) Again, I found myself relating to Denise's assessment of the situation. Dominick talks about her feelings of isolation, saying: "I can describe the condition, but I can never explain how I feel about it. I'm alone in this. No one can understand how fearful I am of going blind, how secluded I am in my thoughts about my future."(189) The words 'I'm alone in this' jumped from the page for me, and echoed entirely my own feelings about Type 1 Diabetes. 

Again we come back to the desire to relate to others and to feel that others relate to us: the desire to feel that we are not alone. Type 1 Diabetes can be an isolating experience, because you, and you alone are responsible for the management of daily blood sugars. However; literature such as Dominick's Needles; blogs such as this; and engagement with the Diabetic community on-line through social media can hopefully help Type 1 Diabetics feel less isolated. And resultantly, a little more human.